The Wickety Whack Blog of the New Millenium!

CAUTION: For literary exuberance this post will be written in rhyme. If your eyes are sensitive to rhyme, reader discression is advised. I take no responsibility for any rhyme related injuries that may accrue whilst reading this post.

With that disclaimer out of the way
you will have a happy day.
That is of course you readed it
and choosed well to heeded it (you can tell I done English good).

If on the other hand you didn't
read my warning t'all,
you should go back and revise
hurry now don't stall!

"But enough with this warning", I hear you say,
"get to the point real quick!
Or I'll make sure this ain't your day
by ramming a knife up your... nose!"

"Ok ok!" you hear me cry
a quiver in my voice,
from which I pull an arrow,
draw my bow and make a choice.

"Should I kill this rude haggler?" I wonder
"They really are quite gross.
And after all they're slowing down
the progress of this post".

I stop to think but for a sec
"What if I released?
There'd be no reason to keep typing
the reader'd be deceased".

Reluctantly I throw my bow
and arrow to the floor,
If I have nobody to shoot
it's use goes out the door.

But enough of this hoo-dilly now
I'm straying from the point,
that was to write a post about
the events of the past noits (nights).

Saturday was fudge'n awesome
I could not have asked for more,
I got an email from my darling
Kally I adore.

You see she had been absent from
the internet of late,
one month, three weeks and six days
without word from my mate.

I had feared the worst for her,
was she still alive?
Those words from her, near on brought
tears of joy t'my eyes.

Of course she'd been fine all along
in one way other the other,
she'd just been long-term disconnected
by her evil mother.

I take that back, she isn't bad,
my parents done that deed.
Too much porn, no more net.
Twas very gay indeed (the lack of internet, not the porn... I assure you it was quite heterosexual).

I could go on with this rhyme but
you get the idea.
Also it's quite hard to make
every stanza rhyme.

So, other than that huge worry of the missing Kally, my roomie Josh told me the secret proxy address that lets you use the net without affecting the quota! You wanna know what it is? Well I'm gunna type it real small like so you can't read it: I wear ladies underwear. After all, we can't have everyone knowing the secret.

Played netty again tonight. We lost, but got our highest score of 19! Kick arse! I was on fire with the shooting, don't think I missed one until the last quarter. Also, after netball we went back to Kyla's for a swim and I got better aquainted with a friend of Krystyna's. I tell you, she really took my breath away. Her name's Sara (pronounced Sar-ra) and she ticks all the boxes:

• Hot


• Funny (and not just funny for a girl, she's actually funny!)


• "Out there" (she was talking about her sex toys and how she didn't want to get out of the water because she hadn't shaved her bikini line, or "Donkey Jungle" as she put it)


• Sexual (see above)


• Nerdy (she loves her nintendo just as much as I do, and she works in a computer store. Also she has a pretty impressive vocabulary, and knows a fair bit about biology)


• Hates pop music


• Kick's arse at netty


• Did I mention she's hot?

Seriously, this is one very appealing chick! If she's artistic as well... wow... that'd be insane.

Posted by NoeL at 1:06 AM | Permalink | Comments

Yes, this week has been the week that wasn't. And what wasn't this week you wittily wonder? A German giggalo jumping for joy is what it wasn't! But aside from that jackassed jape, it was the week I was officially offline... and now it's time to stop with this annoying alliteration... sorry for that last one.

You heard it folks, no internet for a week and two days! I'm FREAKING OUT here! Nah, I'm just kidding, I'm not that much of a nerd, I've only needed psychiatric help twice this week. But anywho, today's Friday, and it is the Friday after the Friday following the Wickety WEAK Wednesday (I assume he finds Wednesday particularly sexy, or is just some crazy stalker). The reason my gung-ho blog is missing a few accounts is because I used up all my internet allowance on porn, and so wasn't allowed to use the school's internet until my quota was refreshed. I finally managed to find it some lemonade so now we're back in business.

So what's happened this mysterious week? Quite a lot actually, but I'm afraid I'll have to summarise it unlike I usually do otherwise we'll be here all day.

Winding the calendar back (yes, I do have a clockwork calendar), what happened on Thursday... I guess the major event was that I had a Psychology assignment due Friday morning which I hadn't started, so I got to work on that about 6pm. I worked all through the night (at least up till 12 o'clock, where it became Friday)...

Friday was spent finishing my assignment until 6am, in which I was quite tired and only had the conclusion to write. I decided I'd have a little nap for a few hours, finish my conclusion then have it handed in by 10. I set my alarm for 8, had a snooze, woke up at 12, said a few profanities, realised I'd lose no more marks if I handed it on Monday morning than if I did now, then went back to bed. I didn't go out that night, wasn't feeling terribly partyish (not because I was upset over loosing marks, I really don't give a shit, I was just physically feeling unpartyish. There wasn't a lolly bag or slice of fairy bread in sight).

Saturday was a crazy day, for reasons other than the fact it has "turd" in it's name. I have a feeling I did something Saturday (he he) but it escapes me for now. Saturday night however was quite drastic... quite drastic indeed...

For you see, my beautiful locks are no longer on my head (they're still on my doors though), they are in the garbage, and in a plait hanging up in my room. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, I had a haircut (pictures coming soon). That's right, the beautiful hairy man you knew has now been replaced by a beautiful not-as-hairy man! Sara desperatly wanted to cut my hair, and since I was getting sick of it anyway I let her. She did a pretty good job, though perhaps a little more off the top would be nice. Oh that's it! We wen't into Park Beach to do a little shopping today (well, Saturday anyway... not TODAY today, although that is a particularly humourous program) and Kyla and Dale were there... not particularly exciting, but an event none the less. Anyway, the best part of Saturday night was seeing everyones reations when I saw them in town... basically a lot of screaming, "OH MY GAWD!"'s and hugging going on. Also, there was a lot of "Wow, definate improvement"'s, "So sexy"'s and "From a 2 to a 9"'s flying around, and some gal hit on me just as I was leaving the Planto (only ever happens when I'm leaving...).

Krystyna's brother in law was DJing at Luna so we were all there for that (and by "all" I mean me. The others had all gone limp and went home, except for Mandi who was there but was avoiding us because she thought Krystyna was hitting on me). I eneded up staying over at Krystyna's house because I didn't want to walk home. Her house rips it up so bad, it's like a shack on a hill way out in the banana fields... so cool. Anyway, there was no hanky panky if that's what you are wondering.

Resi Paintball was supposed to be on Sunday at 3, but I didn't wake up until 2:40 so Krystyna had to rush me home. I think it was rained out again though because no-one's mentioned it to this day. I finished my assignment that night.

Lost netball again on Monday, although we had a kick arse third quarter and equalled our high score of 13.

Went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Tuesday... I wasn't that impressed.

Got drunk, stayed in and played Donkey Konga with my roomie Wednesday night.

Made my first 3D render on Thurday, ain't it cool!

I also ripped it into ZC for a title page... but I don't know whether or not to use it.

I wrote this boring arse blog on Friday (revenge of the alliteration!).

Posted by NoeL at 2:21 PM | Permalink | Comments

Tonight was one of the ball-suckiest nights that ever sucked balls. It was a sucky ball sucking ball sucker that sucks balls. As far as ball sucking goes, tonight sucked the most balls I've ever seen a ball sucker suck. In case you haven't already guessed, tonight wasn't that great... except at ball sucking.

But what made this sucky ball sucking ball sucker that sucks balls suck so many balls? I'll tell you what! AIDS! That's right, if this night didn't have AIDS it would've sucked a lot less balls (ironically it was probably the excessive amounts of ball sucking that gave it AIDS in the first place). What also would've reduced it's ball-suckiness is if the excact opposite of what I'm about to say happened, meaning what I'm about to say actually added to the ball-suckiness. My hair was nothing more than a matted up piece of natural dready turd prior to tonight. Sara spent ages brushing and cutting the dreads out of my hair, ending up with about half of what was on my head in a plastic bag (seriously, I'm not exaggerating. You could make a wig with what she ripped out). With my hair half as thick and nearly a foot shorter, it was time for 'ol Lauren to bust out the trusty hair straightener and get to work. The plan was for me to get my hair all detangled, straightened, and then after town we were going to cut it all off (kinda defeats the purpose of detangling and straightening I know, but that was half the fun). So I was under the impression that everyone was going into town tonight as is usually the case with Wednesdays, oh but how wrong I was! I'd told all my non-residential friends that I'd be out with my fandangled new doo so they were all out waiting for me, but no-one here wanted to go out, leaving me without any transportation! Luckily, the sultry Serina Paradise (sorry if I mis-spelt your name darling) was also going out tonight and had aranged a ride with Nick, although they weren't leaving till 11 or so.

At around 10:30, the uber-drunk Jennah and crew came stumbling around, yelling at the top of her lungs and showing everyone her newly purchased clockwork "wanking gorilla". 30 agonising minutes, 1 toppled toilet roll tower (we'd been working on it all semester, there's like 30 used toilet rolls, which when you think about it is a scary figure seeing the four of us have only been living here for around seven weeks... I suspect Andrew the fat four-eyed asian goes through like three rolls a week... and that's just gross), and 5 or 6 "I'm gunna spew"'s later, I get a message from Mandi asking where I was. I replied telling her I was still waiting for Nick to finish work. A few seconds later, just as Nick is ready to go, I get another message telling me they're all leaving! I message back telling them I'm on my way, but when I get there it turned out they'd already buggered off and the place was dead. With no-one there but Nick and Serina Paradise (who obviously hadn't planned for me to be there), I decided to make the long walk home as I'd done so many times before.

Through snow and ash, barefoot I walked for thousands of miles in the dead of night, with not even a sliver of a moon to guide my way. For years I fought off bears, wolves, sharks, aardvarks and porcupines in a constant battle for survival, and within my own head I waged war to maintain my sanity. As you can guess, it was a particularly joyous walk.

So now I'm home after decades of wandering (though it seemed to pass in no more than an hour), alive enough to pass on this message of hope to you all... never trust an aardvark. One offered me a lift and he ended up taking me back to where I started... the bastard...

Posted by NoeL at 12:59 AM | Permalink | Comments